An Open Letter to My Family:
I had an epiphany today. Although minor by comparison to other epiphanies, it was still rocked my world and is setting me on a different path in regards to creative outlet.
I am a memory keeper.
That means that I am not a scrapbooker, per se, but one who wants to record stories, memories, thoughts, dreams. I am not driven to put memories down on cardstock, rather to share them in a more immediate manner. I thought I was a scrapbooker, but it turns out that I am not. Scrapbooking is too slow for how I mentally process things. Plus, I have too many things swirling in my head that I want to get down. Now. I have always loved to write, and have wanted to write for my own pleasure but lacked a platform or format. While time and tide waits for no man, my thoughts won't wait for paper and paste. I am fearful of memories and moments slipping away from me.
I think this new paradigm has been evolving in my mind since my mom passed away. We all know we should seek out our parents memories, stories, wisdoms, but sadly we often don't realize how important it is until it's too late. Although I have many stories from my Dad, I am bereft of stories from my mother's childhood and youth. I regret that those are lost.
I wonder if Declan and my other, future grandchildren will wonder about me, as I have wondered about my parents and grandparents. Never having had a grandfather leaves me wondering what that would have been like. When I think about Heaven, I secretly wish that my grandfathers will be there, waiting, eager to give me the unconditional grandfatherly love that I missed. Is this not what faith is all about? I believe that my own life would have been enriched by knowing my parents and grandparents' hopes and dreams as well as their regrets and losses. Would we find common threads woven through the generations?
And so here I am, with my wee blog (having been immersed in the Outlander series for the past several weeks {months?}, I find it easy to slip in to a little Scots vocab occasionally). I do this for no one but myself; I have my own selfish reasons, but if anyone else finds it interesting, so be it. I have pictures to share, memories to gift to the future and words waiting to file out. In an orderly fashion, I hope. I want not only to share random bits and pieces of my own life - as I see it - but of others, as it unfolds. I pray for guidance that I never say hurtful words, or share things that should have been left private. My original intent was to write only for myself. I was afraid that if I shared, two things would happen. One, I would have to edit what I say. Since I am far, far from perfect there are things that I possibly would write about for my own peace, but not for the consumption of my family. Two, that by sharing I am also opening myself up to criticism and someone else's displeasure in what was written. I came to the solution of one, if I have things to write about the are better left private, this blog is not the place for that anyway. Two, just be kind in your critique and you know we can always talk. This family, as a whole, talks things out pretty darn well. We're gifted like that.
I hope to further expand my meager talent in photography, and to share that progress here. Why? Just because I can. It certainly will not forward anyone else's skills. I find photography deeply satisfying. Sometimes I feel boxed in, here in the wilds of Johnson County, but we'll see. I would love to expand my collection of lenses and experiment with what is possible. I would like to take a class or two, but it's hard to find the time. I know I've come a very long way from the day Terry first bought me the Rebel, and I've loved the journey.
I will not tread specifically on topics that I know are off limits. I may speak in general terms, though. If there is a post which you are uncomfortable with, let me know and I will either edit or remove it. I do hope that others will write guest posts. How fun would that be?! Guest posts are subject to my approval, of course, but it would be interesting and fun. And that brings me to the point of this blog.
This is an interesting family. I had an unique childhood, growing up nowhere and everywhere, knowing terms like 'pig', 'dope', 'inspector' and 'right-of-way'. My dad was a great storyteller and I can only hope to serve his gift reasonably well. This family is unique with having had three sons serve in the military. We have Alyssa, who has shown unparalleled grace of getting through challenging times without self pity, bitterness or anger. There is your dad, whom I know in a different way than you do. I know a man who was a wild child, left to his own devices as a teen, maybe stuck a toe or two in the waters of trouble, but emerged with so much love and caring for his family that one might question it were the same person. We have a family that others only dream about having, and it is here I will celebrate it.
I hope you're okay with that.
Janet, you can stop worrying about keeping this a secret. You did good.
Anita
PS - This is not to say that I've entirely given up scrapbooking. There are still some aspects of it that appeal to me. With some help and cooperation, I would really like for each of my sons to have a military scrapbook, and mini albums....something that is small and focused, is something I see continuing.
PPS - You may share this if you so desire.
